you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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