I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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