So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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