there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
