Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
