He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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