Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
