I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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