the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize