she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
