Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
