This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
