There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
