Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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