he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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