Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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