I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
