Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
