Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
