do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I am one with the molecules
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
