I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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