exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
