Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
