don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
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He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
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his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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