i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I won't apologize to a one balled man
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
