Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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