My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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