thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
