just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
