There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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