Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
