I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
