woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
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who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
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The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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