Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
