She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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