I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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