if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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