She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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