What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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