am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
