He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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