my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You need Xanax blowdarts
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
