Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
