I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
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I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
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I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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