If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
sarcasm needs its own font
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
