just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
