but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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