im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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