There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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