we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
