we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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