Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
