so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
