I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
