She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
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No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
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The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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