he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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