Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
