if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
