I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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