I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I smell stomach acid.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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